Convo With Dad

(regarding our lunch plans)
Me: What do you feel like?
Dad (named Alan): I feel like Alan.
Me: Oy.
Dad: Choose wherever you want. Lunch is on me. Well it will be served on a plate, though. Otherwise it will be messy."
Me: You pick. Noon is good.
Dad: Is it okay if I wear a t-shirt, shorts, and gyms?
Me: Of course.
Dad: Are you sure?
Me: Yes. See you then.

"That is so Alan."

I Love This.

"It's not so bad." -Carrie Bradshaw

How To Be Alone



via

I felt like this this morning.

It's 11:14 p.m.

on a Friday night, and I am buying Pound Purries on ebay. RAWK.

Toonces

Just worked Toonces into a work email to 19 people. WIN.

I'm Fooling Someone

Email convo between my neighbor and me:

Neighbor: You seem to really know what you are doing re the smell of garlic, etc. So you are driving me crazy in a good way...maybe someday I can reciprocate!

Me: Haha that was a store-bought California Pizza Kitchen white pizza. If you
are saying it smelled good, go get one! They are like $6. I would bring you
some but I ate the entire thing in one sitting...

Neighbor: and here I thought you the gourmet :)



This is mysteriously one of the only things I can remember eating from a box without any nutritional info. File this under "ignorance is bliss."

Reality

As a single girl, it's almost impossible to leave an event that includes over 25 Jewish mothers and grandmothers without being fixed up or at least withstand extreme measures toward that mission.

My Mind Is Blown

I am watching Jesus Camp. Have you seen this? Whoa.

Mongolian Beef

Yes. Stole this from my friend's Facebook.

It's Not A Secret

I feel weird about the straight? guy who was helping me find a bra at Victoria's Secret tonight. He shook my hand after we decided on a racerback. Awkward.

Exactly.

FIERCE

The Original Bitchin' Dresser! via

From Hero To Zero

I'm a picky bitch, but apparently, I'm not the only one, as said lunching friend and I just agreed that you can be TOTALLY into a guy, and that can really go out the window the minute you see him in bad dress pants.

Bonus

Just got back from a delicious lunch at Bistro N at Nordstrom, which is the only place I can justify a $14 salad. Bonus when you go to lunch with a friend who is motivated on Atkins: you get the entire bread loaf to yourself.

Elevator Action Or Lack Thereof

I just stared at a co-worker so hard in the elevator, just us two, as if he was a 5 foot 10 inch brownie and I was a fatty. Yes that hard. He was so engrossed in an email he never even felt it. Not even for a second. Wondering if that's ever happened to me?

Hot.

Yes I mentioned the annoyings who post photos of their August Texas Thermostats or Whatever, but it's 105 outside, and 60 everywhere inside. Except my house, because I am too cheap or somehow unable to get it to be anything other than My Pillowcase Is Wet Every Morning.

Benefit

There is one and only one benefit to having Jew hair. The lifespan. When I take the time to actually straighten my hair, or cheat, whatevs, the Jew hair can last without a re-wash for a good 4 days. Shiksa hair can't handle that.

Facebook Friends:

Everyone knows it hot outside. 6 of my friends have taken photos of the thermometer readout on their dash. NOT NECESSARY. We are all so hot it's like we peed our pants. FULLY AWARE.

I'm Right On Top Of That Rose

Will I ever save the world like SUE ELLEN?

Hollister

I'm turning 30 next year. Saturday, I purchased loads of clothes and accessories from stores exclusively targeted to girls under 21. Before I went in to Hollister, I thought, "Hey, 40+ year-old Dad at work wears shit from here all the time."

Green light!

Terrible terrible rule to follow regarding apparel.

I do love what I bought though. And only one brand emblem.

Convo With Dad

Me: Lately I've been eating weird things for dinner because it doesn't matter. Last week, I had frozen yogurt, Chex Mix and grapes.

Dad: "Chex Mix! That's what people with no money eat!!!"

Tiny Legs

I like my soccer-player legs fine enough, except for when it's time for fall and I get really jealous of the bird legs girls who can pull off knee-socks. They look like soccer socks on me. Not adorable schoolgirl. Varsity soccer not art club. Fine, junior varsity. Just go with it.