I Know Halloween Is Over,

but this is why we must worry about the chirrens.

Horrified Yet Intrigued

By the first Google Image result of "Jill cat."

NONONONONONONONONOOOOOOOOOO

It's One Of These Days

Epic Fail, Part Deuxx

Epic Fail

At least these are two gracious, good sport hotties.

ZB?

Where is Zach Braff?

Huh?

How the hell can I keep calm when there is so much to do?

We Can't All Stay On Top of Star Search

Remember when Britney was married? To a Jason Alexander?

My Cat Has Good Taste

caveat: this photo is last year, but truly timeless.

Well, Howdy. The Name Is Fierce.

Love everything about this. via

KREPI.

Cookie Monster Adult Headpiece. Could they have cast a more creepy dude in there? YES. BUT NO.

Vom

It's safe to say that the dress Brooke Burke is wearing RIGHT NOW on Dancing With The Stars is the single worst apparel garment made in history.

Margaret Cho is hilarious 3 seconds in.

Did Audrina just say she was "breast known" for being a super hottie on The Hills?

And finally..."Teen Advocate Bristol Palin?" No. She's wearing a tearaway costume.

HOTMESS DWTS NOWWWWWWW.

Are You Kidding Me With This

Tonight's song lineup for Dancing With The Stars, according to TMZ.

-- Bristol Palin and Mark Ballas -- Cha Cha Cha -- "Mama Told Me Not to Come"

Lord.

Convo With Dad

(regarding our lunch plans)
Me: What do you feel like?
Dad (named Alan): I feel like Alan.
Me: Oy.
Dad: Choose wherever you want. Lunch is on me. Well it will be served on a plate, though. Otherwise it will be messy."
Me: You pick. Noon is good.
Dad: Is it okay if I wear a t-shirt, shorts, and gyms?
Me: Of course.
Dad: Are you sure?
Me: Yes. See you then.

"That is so Alan."

I Love This.

"It's not so bad." -Carrie Bradshaw

How To Be Alone



via

I felt like this this morning.

It's 11:14 p.m.

on a Friday night, and I am buying Pound Purries on ebay. RAWK.

Toonces

Just worked Toonces into a work email to 19 people. WIN.

I'm Fooling Someone

Email convo between my neighbor and me:

Neighbor: You seem to really know what you are doing re the smell of garlic, etc. So you are driving me crazy in a good way...maybe someday I can reciprocate!

Me: Haha that was a store-bought California Pizza Kitchen white pizza. If you
are saying it smelled good, go get one! They are like $6. I would bring you
some but I ate the entire thing in one sitting...

Neighbor: and here I thought you the gourmet :)



This is mysteriously one of the only things I can remember eating from a box without any nutritional info. File this under "ignorance is bliss."

Reality

As a single girl, it's almost impossible to leave an event that includes over 25 Jewish mothers and grandmothers without being fixed up or at least withstand extreme measures toward that mission.

My Mind Is Blown

I am watching Jesus Camp. Have you seen this? Whoa.

Mongolian Beef

Yes. Stole this from my friend's Facebook.

It's Not A Secret

I feel weird about the straight? guy who was helping me find a bra at Victoria's Secret tonight. He shook my hand after we decided on a racerback. Awkward.

Exactly.

FIERCE

The Original Bitchin' Dresser! via

From Hero To Zero

I'm a picky bitch, but apparently, I'm not the only one, as said lunching friend and I just agreed that you can be TOTALLY into a guy, and that can really go out the window the minute you see him in bad dress pants.

Bonus

Just got back from a delicious lunch at Bistro N at Nordstrom, which is the only place I can justify a $14 salad. Bonus when you go to lunch with a friend who is motivated on Atkins: you get the entire bread loaf to yourself.

Elevator Action Or Lack Thereof

I just stared at a co-worker so hard in the elevator, just us two, as if he was a 5 foot 10 inch brownie and I was a fatty. Yes that hard. He was so engrossed in an email he never even felt it. Not even for a second. Wondering if that's ever happened to me?

Hot.

Yes I mentioned the annoyings who post photos of their August Texas Thermostats or Whatever, but it's 105 outside, and 60 everywhere inside. Except my house, because I am too cheap or somehow unable to get it to be anything other than My Pillowcase Is Wet Every Morning.

Benefit

There is one and only one benefit to having Jew hair. The lifespan. When I take the time to actually straighten my hair, or cheat, whatevs, the Jew hair can last without a re-wash for a good 4 days. Shiksa hair can't handle that.

Facebook Friends:

Everyone knows it hot outside. 6 of my friends have taken photos of the thermometer readout on their dash. NOT NECESSARY. We are all so hot it's like we peed our pants. FULLY AWARE.

I'm Right On Top Of That Rose

Will I ever save the world like SUE ELLEN?

Hollister

I'm turning 30 next year. Saturday, I purchased loads of clothes and accessories from stores exclusively targeted to girls under 21. Before I went in to Hollister, I thought, "Hey, 40+ year-old Dad at work wears shit from here all the time."

Green light!

Terrible terrible rule to follow regarding apparel.

I do love what I bought though. And only one brand emblem.

Convo With Dad

Me: Lately I've been eating weird things for dinner because it doesn't matter. Last week, I had frozen yogurt, Chex Mix and grapes.

Dad: "Chex Mix! That's what people with no money eat!!!"

Tiny Legs

I like my soccer-player legs fine enough, except for when it's time for fall and I get really jealous of the bird legs girls who can pull off knee-socks. They look like soccer socks on me. Not adorable schoolgirl. Varsity soccer not art club. Fine, junior varsity. Just go with it.

SSB

There are literally over 70 pieces of clothing on the floor. The sum between my bathroom and bedroom. The cat is the only person this is bothering, and he's too busy attacking a piece of tissue paper wrapping a new top to notice.

Liza

Tonight I forced myself to get a third wind and meet a newly single girlfriend out for drinks, or in all honesty, stare at men hoping they come talk to us.

I walked out of my house to see my gay neighbors.

"Speaking of Liza Minelli!!!" they exclaimed and came over toward me to hug and admire my hair, with new Liza-ish bangs.

Liza Minelli. Exactly who I'd like the gays to see me as. Worst possible person for the straights.

SSB

Secret Single Benefit (she says after crying at the end of 27 Dresses)

I ate a fudge bar, a shit ton of Chex Mix, and some grapes for dinner.

And nobody was disappointed there wasn't a "protein."

Roses and Kittens

I'm all for breaking gender stereotypes, but I just cried like a total female baby watching 27 Dresses. Again, for the fifth time.

Let's Press Our Foreheads Together

And think:

MEN LOOK SOFA KING GAY IN ENGAGEMENT PHOTOS.

Friends, DO NOT LET THIS HAPPEN TO YOU.

Friday Night

I'm watching 27 Dresses for the 5th time. This movie is sponsored by some bridal shop and EHarmony. OF COURSE. I sit here watching this, alone on Friday bc I am too lazy to shower and also sick from the Pork-on-a-Stick I ate earlier (Shabbat Shalom!), looking on match.com and thinking "I wouldn't let 99% of these guys touch my left boob."

This is why I'm single.

Here Goes

You may or may not care, but I am seriously attracted to Levi Johnston. I know he is a Douchelord, but come on. I'd tap that.




Ignore the hideous Bristol tat.