SSB

There are literally over 70 pieces of clothing on the floor. The sum between my bathroom and bedroom. The cat is the only person this is bothering, and he's too busy attacking a piece of tissue paper wrapping a new top to notice.

Liza

Tonight I forced myself to get a third wind and meet a newly single girlfriend out for drinks, or in all honesty, stare at men hoping they come talk to us.

I walked out of my house to see my gay neighbors.

"Speaking of Liza Minelli!!!" they exclaimed and came over toward me to hug and admire my hair, with new Liza-ish bangs.

Liza Minelli. Exactly who I'd like the gays to see me as. Worst possible person for the straights.

SSB

Secret Single Benefit (she says after crying at the end of 27 Dresses)

I ate a fudge bar, a shit ton of Chex Mix, and some grapes for dinner.

And nobody was disappointed there wasn't a "protein."

Roses and Kittens

I'm all for breaking gender stereotypes, but I just cried like a total female baby watching 27 Dresses. Again, for the fifth time.

Let's Press Our Foreheads Together

And think:

MEN LOOK SOFA KING GAY IN ENGAGEMENT PHOTOS.

Friends, DO NOT LET THIS HAPPEN TO YOU.

Friday Night

I'm watching 27 Dresses for the 5th time. This movie is sponsored by some bridal shop and EHarmony. OF COURSE. I sit here watching this, alone on Friday bc I am too lazy to shower and also sick from the Pork-on-a-Stick I ate earlier (Shabbat Shalom!), looking on match.com and thinking "I wouldn't let 99% of these guys touch my left boob."

This is why I'm single.

Here Goes

You may or may not care, but I am seriously attracted to Levi Johnston. I know he is a Douchelord, but come on. I'd tap that.




Ignore the hideous Bristol tat.