From Hero To Zero

I'm a picky bitch, but apparently, I'm not the only one, as said lunching friend and I just agreed that you can be TOTALLY into a guy, and that can really go out the window the minute you see him in bad dress pants.

Elevator Action Or Lack Thereof

I just stared at a co-worker so hard in the elevator, just us two, as if he was a 5 foot 10 inch brownie and I was a fatty. Yes that hard. He was so engrossed in an email he never even felt it. Not even for a second. Wondering if that's ever happened to me?

Liza

Tonight I forced myself to get a third wind and meet a newly single girlfriend out for drinks, or in all honesty, stare at men hoping they come talk to us.

I walked out of my house to see my gay neighbors.

"Speaking of Liza Minelli!!!" they exclaimed and came over toward me to hug and admire my hair, with new Liza-ish bangs.

Liza Minelli. Exactly who I'd like the gays to see me as. Worst possible person for the straights.

Friday Night

I'm watching 27 Dresses for the 5th time. This movie is sponsored by some bridal shop and EHarmony. OF COURSE. I sit here watching this, alone on Friday bc I am too lazy to shower and also sick from the Pork-on-a-Stick I ate earlier (Shabbat Shalom!), looking on match.com and thinking "I wouldn't let 99% of these guys touch my left boob."

This is why I'm single.